allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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