I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Damn victory sex feels great
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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