My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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