the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
