I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
