went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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