I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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