Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
