Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
