on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
