I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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