it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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