3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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