He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
