i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
