Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
