i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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