Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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