So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
