12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just want to make out with him forever
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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