recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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