It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
