If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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