My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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