i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
