im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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