whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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