Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
