I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just had sex on a roof
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
