This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
