so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
