so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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