there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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