This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
