can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
