would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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