I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
