Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
