I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
