My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
