stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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