Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
