A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
