Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
