Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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