im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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