I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
