Fuck appropriateness.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
