Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
