don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sext me about skeletons
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
