O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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