I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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