Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
